Life on earth is possible because we transact with everything around us. Inhaling and exhaling is a transaction. We are always in relationships with the things around us. In our relationships with people, we may have come across someone saying “How can I trust you any more?” — what does it really mean?
When someone say this, why are they saying this? — isn’t it when they have expectations of another person and it was not met, and they say how can I trust you “to meet my expectations again in the future”. If their expectations from another person is met, then they say they can trust that person, to again meet their expectations in the future.
If someone have expectations from someone and if they are met as they expect, that makes the person feel comfortable and safe. Why? because they are in control of their expectations of someone being met as they expect. That control of the other person makes them feel safe and comfortable. So when someone say they can not trust, what they are really saying is “I can not control you, so I don’t feel safe now and in the future”. — Why do they need to feel safe when they can control someone?
1. Unresolved Unpleasant Memories
There may be unresolved, unhealed moments in their life, where they were not in control and were hurt, which made them feel unsafe. Now they need to feel in control to feel safe, and if not, they have a memory that they will get hurt. If someone were to see this clearly, the moment they can not trust another person, is a perfect window to go within and resolve those unaddressed memories.
2. Outsourced Self-resilience
Another reason why someone need external control to feel safe is: If that person lacks self-resilience, to trust in their own self, in their own capabilities to handle whatever the outcome is. Instead of trusting in their own abilities, they have outsourced the trust to someone else. This sense of outsourcing has been deep trained in schools, to trust a teacher or an authoritative figure. This trains to always look for outside person for guidance instead of teaching them to look within — which they can not control. If we were taught to look within, they would not have any factory workers.
Bring It Back Within
The world around us may sometimes happen the way we want or it may not, we can try all we want but it is not something we can 100% control. If someone want to find safety through something that they can not 100% control, then their sense of safety is accidental.
What is needed is to look within, and find those memories that created lack of trust in your own self, in your own capabilities and love those parts of you again and learn to trust that 100%, the amazing intelligence and the wisdom within, instead of outsourcing it to others. It is absolutely possible to re-wire those old memories that are no longer helping and find deep love and safety within and show up to the world with trust in your own capabilities to handle whatever the world throws at you, specially when things go the way you do not expect!